arts

this weekend was good. on top of studying, i went for two concerts. haha. rapture and band concert. i'll give a thumbs up for both concerts cos i truly enjoyed myself. being a sportsperson, it quite difficult to appreciate art but these two concerts made it much easier for me! not being able to catch last year's rapture and band concert, i really didnt know what to expect and at the same time cannot make any comparisons.

went to watch rapture with the melays. it was the official last melay unit outing as focus is now on prelims and As. the student choreographed dance i enjoyed the most n believe it was good was the dance president's corrine, andrea and musa. the movements of the dancers seemed very well co-ordianted and not too messy. the scary one was the NUS one. boy oh boy. haha. the coolest part was in the last part where, all the former dance presidents were on stage. their exceptionally outstanding dance explains why they were the presidents. after rapture, everyone was busy giving flowers and taking photos. our class dancer's gwen and boon yan were great! very proud of them! too bad the melays all decided to go home after tat. went for supper with ian, joel and liang sheng before heading home.

on sun, i was enlightened with the music from our SAV band concert. i think its really cool to have all the SA bands including the almuni all performing together. i strongly believe they have successfully capture the theme which was "One Family, One Flag". further more, most of the music they played had very little error and it was very delighting to the ear. the repertoire i enjoyed was "Fantasy Variations" played by the SAJC band concert. although it was long, i really loved the music.

on the whole, this weekend has been enriching for me as i get a chance to appreciate arts by our own sajc students. a great job everyone!

tmr the c boys will be playing raffles in the c division semis. ALL THE BEST!

now, back to the books.

getting it

theres nothing really to blog about now becos life is all about mugging. other then the never failing surprises i get in school which can scare the shit of out me. everything is fine. been getting more mugging momentum which is a positive indicator. the stress is still something which i need to learn how to control.

i jus found out something very interesting bout myself. i had an appoinment with an eye specialist 2dae because of the redness in my right eye. dont be afraid, its not any infectious eye diesease that can make u instantly blind wen u look into my eye. i jus have high sensitive eyes. which believe it or not the doctor didnt know wat triggers it off. all he told me tat it will occasionally come and that i have to take proper care of my eyes. the funny part is, i have been playing rugby for 6 years getting mud splashed into my eyes all the time and none of this allergy thing hit me. but wen im not playing, not even exercising cos of my op, it came. mabye its bcos my eyes are not used to seeing books all the time. it got scared and turned red. haha. nonsense. or mabye.. hm.. rugby withdrawal syndrome? might. haha.

i finally finished typing out the article for the sch mag with the help of my successor boon rong. haha. good stuff eh. supposed to be retired. i was looking up for the last year which Saints Rugby won the championships and this is wat i found out:
C Div - 1990 (have yet to win it again)
B Div- 1993 (before winning it again in 2004, 2005, 2006)
A Div- 1989 (before winning it again in 2006)

alrites. im off to an early nite.

stress

argh. its really stressful. the pressure is coming from everywhere. life is not gg to be as peaceful as i thought it would be. game plans all have changed. being tracked now. no more time to play around. at least, it got me started. i really need to go dissapear somewhere. away from everything. i need the strength. i need courage. i need determination. i need God. he has always been there for me during good and bad times.


Some parts taken from Debbie Gibson's We Could Be Together

If I were an only child
I would be a lonely child
but baby we've got nothing to lose
I'm standing tall in my own shoes
I'll take this chance
I'll make this choice
I'll right this wrong
I'll raise my voice

If you said "Jump!" I'd say "How high?"
If you said "Run!"
I'd run and fly
Just for the chance
Just for the moment
Should the moment pass up by
and if you ask once I'll tell you twice
I'll ignore the world's advice

I am taken by your strength
I've thought about it at great length
I thought that I was happy now
but there are things that I found out
Happiness means greater things

There are no guarantees
but if it means
there's even a possibility
then I'll give up whatever it takes
I know I've made some mistakes before
It may be just another closed door

im begining to lose the vision and beauty of appreciating things.

i think everything is bullshit- like it or not.

the world is nothing but a place where we hypocritically live in.

we are drowned by our humongous egos.

we insult others so that we can feel good and superior.

we are lousy humans. yet we think we are great.

we command respect from others but have we actually given others the respect they deserve?

we want to change things around us, but we cant even change OURSELVES.
what rights do we have then to change others?

we want to take control of things around us, but we cant CONTROL ourselves.

we live for ourselves in the name of others.

we think that we are always right- never wanting to admit our mistakes bcos we foolishy think its a sign of weakness.

we are ambitious.

we are never happy with what we have. we jus want more. greed.


these are only some of the feelings/ thoughts that lies deep in our hearts, never dared to unlock it.
if you think all of the above are nonsense, your exactly the person im referring to.

hah.

05S56 Service Learning visit to Moral Seniors Activity Centre (Macpherson)

here are some of the pictures took with my classmates and senior citizens...

shall blog about it next time. too tired.


 

 

 

 

my 3rd operation

this entry is a special one bcos im using on my right hand to type. haha.

i woke up at 0430 hrs on friday morning changing up and preparing for my operation. reached at Gleneagles Hopsital arnd 6am, after administrative details were sorted out, i was admitted. there was constant anxiety attack where my mind just ran wild scaring the shit out of myself. tried to catch up with my sleep with the remaining time left but it was obviously of not much use. the nurse came at 0720 to take me to the operating theatre. every different nurse that came to check my file kept asking me the same questions. "boy whats ur name, ic no., is this ur father's signature, his ic no. and which part of ur body is being operated." by the time the forth nurse asked me i basically answered her everything before she finished asking me. haha.

when i got into the operating room, it somehows brought back my memory of the past 2 ops i have been before. everything looked the same. just like to typical hollywood movie. all the sides of the room are painted white. huge lights shining at you. 2 clocks on ur right. and the surgeons and nurses are in a rush. it was like ur in a middle of a CBD area. people kept walking in and out, carrying things and asking each other questions like.. "where is the herbert screw for the op ltr.. i cant find it.." so u can know wat my reaction was. after lying down on the operating bed for 15 mins, i was greeted by the anesthetic doctor. after looking through my file she joking told me.. "so u know the SOP (standard operating procedure) already ah looking at ur operation records." since my left wrist was gg to be cut, they tapped my right hand vein before inserting the injection needle. soon enough, i was on anesthesia. you can feel the cold white liquid moving down ur right hand vein n at the same time breathing in pure oxygen. i tried to fight it but i failed. hah.

my worst nightmare began wen i woke up from anesthesia arnd 1030. from my past operations i know my body will react violently to the side effects of anesthesia. when i woke up the first thing i did was vomit. felt drousy, tired and sick the whole day. my stomach kept contracting, thus casuing me to vomit more then 10 times throughout the day. the last time i vomitted was 10pm. ahh. the nurses and doc helped me by injecting alot of medicine. my hands were like fun fair la. left being bandaged and was elevated. the right was used for injections. thank god, i was drowsy so i didnt really felt the needles. i didnt eat nor drink anything the whole day. wen i took a sip of water, i ended up vomitting more then consuming. plus it made my stomach worse. already my stomach has no food inside, the contractions were extremely painful. in the afternoon, weiyan chen n her fren, karina visited me in the hopsital. which made my atrocious day better! the flowers are nice! THANKS! (: the nurses ended my nightmare by putting me to sleep till the nxt day.

i woke up arnd 7 plus the next day, felt so fresh and happy that i can finally drink a cup of milo. doc came arnd 9 plus and i asked if i could go home. thankfully he said yes. i cant stand staying in the hospital for long bcos its too boring and i will be stoning on my bed most of the time.

throughout this ordeal here are a few people i want to thank for ur msgs and calls (not in any order):
weiyann seetoh
stef
mozi
gerald chew
phil
malcolm
arthur
amar
sam yee
melay unit
jia ling
qian xiang
herng liang
huilin
xiao jie
hashim
khai nam
yuan ling
qian li
alex tan
mr louis ho
karen (physio)
05S56

i hope i didnt forget anyone!

ohh. for those tat msged me n did got any or some wierd reply.. im sorry! mabye i was just too drowsy, i really didnt know wat i was replying! haha.

alrites.. my next phase.. RECOVERY!! HERE I COME!

p.s. it took me one hour to do this entry! hahaha.

afraid

tmr im finally gg to go for my wrist operation which i have been delaying since march. yeah. tat long. but i guess it kind of worth it (as stupid as it may sound) since i got what i wanted when i decided to take that high risk of playing with a fractued wrist. im also very lucky that God has protected and looked after me during this period of time.

the feeling of this operation is somewhat different than all the others i have been through. cos the ops i had so far are done immediately on the same day i saw my doc. however, this op is different. i had to delay meaning i have more time to actually think what is gg to happen to me after the op. it seriously freaks me out. thinking to myself if im gg to have a close to full recovery, whether i will be able to play as well as i am n etc etc. usually negative thoughts. this results in me panicking. i will try to be strong.

rugby season

FINALLY! i got all the photos taken were taken through out the entire year so far. frm RSN to Police Cup. wohoo. so i decided to make another collage to put up all the photos like. theres alot so bear with me. (:
















i love st andrew's rugby! 

dearest six house council

 

my wrist hurts!!! ahh. initially, i was able to take the pain but as it gets from bad to worse. its getting harder to control. now, even the slightest hyperflexion (more then 30 degrees) is painful. im living with a fractured wrist for already 6 months (feb-july) and its not getting any better but worse. whenever people ask me if it hurts, i will jus smile at them n say.. well im used to the pain. but the pain is starting to kill me meaning my condition has worsen. my doc and i have set on a date for the op which is very very soon. i dont think i can wait any longer. it has quite drastically affected my life recently. like not even being able to lift my school by left wrist. hah.

the feeling and thoughts of this operation really scares me. im not sure if im mentally prepared both for the operation and the recovery period thereafter. argh.to have a full proper recovery means i have to go through intensive physiotheraphy. need to make it back in time for national u19 which is playing in the arfu at the end of this yr. theres not only pain to handle but stress and pressure. i need to be both physically and mentally conditioned. help me please God.

momentum

i finally got into the momentum of mugging. theres so much catching up to do. ahhh. i will try not to tension too much. haha.

so my combined schools season ended last sun. this means i will officially stop playing the game till the end of As. besides, i need to get my wrist sorted out. the thought of gg for the op suddenly scares me after talking about it to a fren. i have always been living in an impression that its "just another operation" so its like nth much. aye. but after putting serious thought to it.. im quite worried. heh.

my class treasurer has once again attacked my blog to remind me to pay class fund! ur even worse then a loanshark la! haha.

alrites. off to study.

smile

someone asked me how it felt to receive two different awards. colours for rugby and service for house council on college day. after all your achievements and dedication to the school is finally being acknowledged. it didnt take me long to answer that i was happy and proud with myself like, any other person would feel. but then i continued, what really mattered the most to me that night wen i recieved my award wasnt the number of different categories of awards i had but the smile i saw on my mummy's face wen i saw her from the stage twice. it wasnt like any other smile u see everyday. you know its a special one. and tat is wat i felt overjoyed, happy and proud about. unfortunately my dad wasnt able to come as he was caught up with work, nevertheless, i still know how glad he was wen he saw the awards. i would give anything to get tat smile again from them. therefore, i have promised myself to study hard so that i will be able to bring back tat smile to my parents wen my A levels results come out next year! i love my parents so much! (:

decision

its about time i made this decision. i will stop playing rugby after nxt fri till december 2006 so that i can study and get my wrist treated. i dont want to screw up my As like i did for all my school exams so far. no more of this nonsense. i will mug. i must mug. only after As i will continue playing rugby most prob for the u19s.

on the happier note, i got 2 awards for college day. colours for rugby and service for house council! (:

my first pay

arnd 12 plus on morning morning, i decided to go for a run around my estate. which covers arnd 5-6km. since my dad just go me this new ipod arm band to run with i thought i might as well try out running with it. after hearing countless of advice from my parents on are the dos n donts when running with an ipod along the road, i finally went for my run. its quite relaxing running while listening to a song. at the same time, the tempo of the song kind of sets the pace of ur run. haha. after the run, didnt feel as tired as i used to at the same time i enjoyed myself. thought about alot of things during my run. more of academic though.

on the same day itself, i played rugby for scc later in the afternoon. thought of keep in touch with the ball since i havent touched it all during the bt2 week. and that feeling of wanting to play as much rugby as i can before my operation which will most likely take at 2 mths to recover with intensive physiotheraphy. after all its a freaking ex op plus with a wrist specialist.. i better recover fast. played a team from scotland. eventhough we got whopped by them, i think it was a gd workout for me. dinner with the scottish boys were quite hilarious. the slang was initially hard to understand but wen u get the hang of it.. hearing the comments they make will totally amuse you. haha.

TODAY! was my debut apperance in the refereeing scene. haha. the game was at evergreen sec n it took me lots of trouble, pain n money jus to get there. basically the cab driver n i were lost. he was driving arnd the estate at the same time finding. after like 10 minutes circling arnd woodlands we gave up. thank god that a police station appeared out of nowhere n yes, we took directions from them. haha. reached there, checked the field.. quite uneven and hard. so i decided not to use my boots. as expected, the 3pm game had a sun that can kill one. haha.

the game i refereed was C dic game where raffles instution played bukit batok sec. any rugby player in spore can tell u this will most likely be a one- sided game. upon hearing my appoinment to tat game, i was quite scared la. like cummon, ur first time blowing a whistle n u take charge of a team which obviously is very good in rugby with intimidating coaches. haha. but im glad that the raffles n bukit batok coaches were quite friendly. as i took charge of the game, i was being accessed by mr sumadi. raffles being the fitter and more physically built dominated the whole game beating bukit batok 84-0 in 45 mins. my accessor was very happy with my performance with very little mistakes. so thats a thumbs up. haha. hopefully, i might get another appoinment. its really fun man. i will be taking charge of the techincal (laws of the game) side during my school inter- house competition. haha. interesting.
the best part was after the game, a nice parent from raffles sent me from woodlands all the way to my house bus-stop. its really nice of him! thanks! i would do anything to get out of that ulu woodlands place la. haha.

the pay was good too i guess although im not refereeing for the money. got $40 for like 1hr 15min. haha. my first pay!

alrites. gg to try n rest as much as i can cos tmr got combined schools game, semis against spore poly. n the best part is tat they only tell u TODAY! but eh. i oso got colours award rehersal. oh shit. heh. tmr then settle i guess. to make matters worse, tonight got world cup semis. hah!

im gg to be a full time mugger now! yeah!

Everyone who has ever done a kind deed for us, or spoken a word of encouragement to us, has entered into the make-up of our character and our thoughts, as well as our success.
-George Matthew Adams

i didn't do anything much during the weekend. just stayed at home n rot. sat game was cancelled. poor planning by organisers. super pissed with them. trying to get this combined schools season over with as fast as possibe. strangely, i spent my whole sunday reading a book. haha. although, its very unlike me, i somehow enjoyed myself reading it.

one thing i notice about singaporeans is their lack of mannerism. i think this is one moral value that really needs to be worked on. most pple here are spoilt brats. they expect things to be given n served to them. very stupid. its not surprising why the number of youngsters that lack manners nowdays is vastly increasing because adults (seniors) themselves don't have such value.

take for example, i went to a shop in my estate to bind my notes n before me was this lady who was photocopying her daughthers exam papers. she gave the photocopying lady a thick stack on messy sheets of paper. soon after she left. the shop lady had to do so much work esp that night to print those stuff because her double side print function didnt work. so she had to print it manually thus taking an even longer time. i didnt bother trying to force her to hurry as i could already see she was so stressed up n rushing cos she too wanted to close her shop. when tat customer returned, the shop lady gave her all the photocopied stuff. n the customer started making noise cus bcos her notes wasnt in order. the photocopy lady (pl) told her that tat was wat the customer gave her. the customer then went to nag at her tat she shd acutally do it as part of her service. n scolded the pl. i was like what la. so rude. when she paid she slammed her money on the cashier to show her unhappiness. bloody rude.
sometimes wen i see all this pple, i have half the mind to tell them off. but better not.

theres no sch tmr n i hope i will go out. haha.

Dive Pass vs Standard Pass

Let's look at the dive pass. In order to investigate the effectiveness of the dive pass, which is primarily used by halfbacks, a small study was conducted using several first-grade halfbacks. In this study a dive pass was compared to a standard clearing pass in terms of velocity at release, time to a target 10 metres away, and accuracy. It was found that the velocity at release was essentially the same, as was time to target. Accuracy was found to be slightly less for the dive pass.

Based on these findings it would seem that the only real advantage of the dive pass is that it is more effective at avoiding oncoming defenders, due to the movement of the halfback. Therefore this seems to be more of a tactical manoeuvre than an enchancement of the pass itself.

First let's look at velocity. The primary reason for the lack of an advantage is that in a standard pass the halfback is able to sequence their body segments and transfer their momentum to the ball. In the dive pass the halfback is not able to do this as effectively bacause they are airborne, and therefore unable to sequentially stop each segment, which in turn limits the amount of transfer of momentum to the ball. To compensate for this the halfback uses the initial velocity gained from the dive to give the ball some initial velocity prior to the acutal passing motion of the arms. Time to target is therefore no different because the velocities are quite similar.

As for accuracy, we need to look at the next principle, which is an extension of principle 3 (which is apply forces (i.e. ground reaction forces) in the direction of the desired change of motion (forward, sideways, up, down, etc.))
EXTENSION OF PRINCIPLE 3:
When trying to achieve accuracy, have as many segments moving in the desired direction of the movement as possible while limiting any motion in other directions.

During the dive pass there is a much greater potential for movement out of the line of motion of the ball, due to the high unstable position the halfback is in. One thing the above principle doesn't say is that it is very important to have a solid base of support when trying to achieve accuracy. During the normal clearing pass the halfback is usually fairly low to the ground and has his legs spread wide. This is a very stable position and gives a firm base from which to direct the necessary forces on the ball. It also allows for more effective transfer of the ground reaction forces than during the during the airborne phase of the dive pass. Therefore, the dive pass can be much more effective when under pressure from opposition, while the standard pass is generally more accurate method of passing the ball.

Taken from THE PHYSICS of FOOTIE, SMART TRAINING for RUGBY.

hm... the physics side of rugby.

class gathering

the taxi fare is gg to increase! ahhhh.. this only means tat i have to spend more money! which oso means i need to start saving so that i can take cabs. haha. with this increment, my cab fare to travel from school to home or vice versa surpass $5 for sure. further more, with the $2 surcharge during peak hours.. woah.. can b quite ex la. almost like travelling frm home to school n back! soultion: start saving now! haha.

went for the college day rehersal which was like dead boring. left early though. haha.

later had class gathering a qian li's place. her house is the best place la. like a palace. we were supposed to be bbq-ing but in the end very little pple did n the maids ended up doing all the job. food was great. already we ate to much during the bbq, our host had spoilt us further more with the toothsome chocolaty desserts that no one could resist! we start off with strawberries, marshmellows and apples dipped in luscious melted black choclates. soon after that, we were greeted with choclate pudding topped by vannila ice-cream. the sinful yet heavenly taste of it wen u feel the chocolate pudding melts in our mouth is unforgetable. haha. oh man. we all really need make sure we keep exercising.

really tired now. off to bed!

its not the end yet...

bt2 is over. up next is prelims. about 9 weeks. time seems to pass so fast. after the last paper, play soccer with the melays. it has been ages since i actually played soccer. haha. its always rugby. (:

the power of procrastination

arent all of us guilty of being great procrastinators? esp wen it comes to academic part of our lives. we keep giving ourselves the false hope tat there is still time to revise or catch up with work later. wen tat time comes, we continue procrastinating bcos we r so used to it.. knowing to ourselves tat there is already very little time but just couldnt get started. we give ourselves all types of excuses. its an addiction. its like smoking. both are hard to stop. smoking destorys ur health. procrastinating destorys ur future of being a successful person.

WE KNOW THIS FACT. but tat false sense of security n hope we r living in is so great tat it everything seems fine and under control. mabye its jus superficial. deep in our lazy hearts we know tat we are gg to be in enormous shit. but we dont want to face it. we are scared n intimidated. we know tat its gg to be demoralising. we know tat no one is to be blamed but ourselves. YET, we got no courage to admit it. our bloody big egos.

but one thing we do know that we cannot run away from it. FINALLY, comes the time when we are being corner n its about time to face the music of ur procrastinations. this fantasy world we live in starts crashing hard on us. WE shit in our pants. SUDDENLY, we are being drowned by insecurities everywhere. feeling uneasy to even sleep. our hearts can be calm one moment and then beating like mad the other moment. our thoughts in a mess. finally mastering the art of stoning. feeling helpless. depressed. irritated. wen we reflect back, we regretted for not working hard and focusing. boy, its too late. no use crying over spilt milk...we know.. fatigue soon sets in, we feel so tired n sick while we actually have done nothing at all.

one thing we really feel like doing is giving up cos eveything seems to be out of control.. to accept the thought tat we are defeated wen the battle is not over yet though it close. once we give up, another pathetic character develops...we believe we are lousy. good foor nothing. hopeless. basically GONE. slowly, we lose tat potential we once knew we could be someone.

is this the life we all shd live in?

okay. if u noticed by now.. this entry is quite untidy. my mind is in disarray. ok pure nonsense. besides, who cares for what u are gg through? i've already lost faith in the word trust.

weather

the level 1 coaching course was very productive as it teaches u the basic techniques of play. like how to pass n tackle. as simple as it may sound to most rugby players, trust me not everyone has the correct techniques. i think as we play more rugby, we tend to find shortcuts to doing things such as tackling. and yes, it may look perfectly fine when u take such shortcuts. but u dont know tat u r actually lacking some safety aspects of it. however, i wasnt able to complete the whole course because of i had combined schools game.

the weather cheated my feelings yesterday. initially wen i reached farrer park arnd 1 plus, it was very hot. having already known we would be playing in such weather, i didnt really bother la. the two com schs game were switched. so its com sch b playing against safsa first followed by com sch a against nothern knights. com sch b lost to safsa. with safsa dominating the game. closer to the end of the 1st game, the weather took a drastic change, it started to raining heavily. our bags were left drenched in the rain n the wrost field to play in the rain is farrer park's one. to make matters worse, this year's com sch attire is freaking all white la.. white socks n white shorts. it was seriously a turn off to play. the next problem i face now is trying to clean my gears. heh. im already so lazy.

after the game had dinner with khai nam, gerald, arthur n andy. our topic of discussion was rather obvious... world cup! including some talk cock along the way.

sch is reopening tmr... 1st week is the killer bt2.. time to really study if u dont wanna to screw up. heh.

i will grow through this pain

today i received an interesting phone call by one of the sajc staff, a tcher i think. the tcher asked me if i could give my once a saint tshirt n an action photo of me to the school. haha. it totally caught me by surprise. like why in the world do u need such stuffs wen sajc is selling those tshirts. he then continued explaining to me that what i give will be kept in a time capsule. it will be kept for 30 years before opening it. so by then i will be 48 years. hm.. quite old already. i will surely look forward to the opening of the capsule. hopefully, with god's blessing, i will still be alive to see it. haha. wat they will do after 30 years with tat stuffs.. i dont know.

havent been feeling really good the past few days. been thinking alot but not doing anything. i cant be giving up now as much as i want to. i cant let go. i need to carry on fighting. persevere. words of encouragements are failing me.

i dont know how im gg to survive tmr's game cos it at 2.45pm. bloody hot. already wen it was season, i find it hard to play with such intense heat. wat more wen its after season?! ohwell, hopefully imagery works.

game plan: no game plan

TASMANIA!

this is random but yeah. my dec 05 holiday to tasmania, aus. i miss the place! 

heating up

just before the school reopens where bt2 is waiting to smack the shit out of you, and soon after prelims followed by the killer As, lets reflect on what i have done so far cos if not... there wont be anymore time. well looking at the current state i in, i feel very insecure of the future. of what is gg to happen to me n stuff. though academic plays a huge part in this doubtful feeling, they are many other contributing factors. if u ask me now.. i can tell u wat i want to b wen i grow up later. but if u ask me wat the hell have i done to reach that target? i got no idea. i need to wake up my idea n not only seriously starting bucking up but really just FOCUS. i need a GAME PLAN.

wat i am now is not one which i chose but it bcos of circumstances that led to one another. well its impossible now to change the past but make do of wat i have. after all, its my life. i need to at least get control of it. enough have been said on this topic. less words more action please.

on the lighter note, my room is finally 90% done. spent sometime today studying in my room since the study table came in yesterday. quite condusive. cleared alot of nonsense. haha.

if u want to tag.. no nonsense please. thanks! (:

checkup

didnt look forward to the army medical checkup at all. as expect, it was a waste of time. the first mood spoiler was that i had to already to wake up early and it had to be on a rainy day! its like already so rare to such an opportunity where u can jus sleep through the morning. haha. nevertheless, i still woke up. then the next problem was trying to get a cab. it is expectionally hard to get a cab during this rush hour n wat more wen its raining. i tried calling for cab but the line is engage so i guess its bcos of the overwhelming pple calling to get a cab.

wen i reached there, i was seriously like a lost soul. i didnt know where the CMPB building was. haha. n lots of young men like me who were supposed to go were lost too. wen i finally found the place, there were quite a number of pple infront of me already. so yeah had quite a few stations to go. they took ur blood n stuff. i jus hate the sight of needles.

the 2nd last station was seeing the medical officer. showed him my letter from my doc. i was given PES D. pending. haha. have to visit there agn in sept to "upgrade" my PES if im better. haha.

went to school today to study by myself. was rather productive. yep. but theres too much to do. nvm. game plan is a levels. then had lunch with stef. talked so much nonsense. but i had a great time catching up. n understanding how complicated life realy is. haha.

alrites. im gg to rest now. got to wake up early to study tmr!

mr ng's wedding

i finally went for my first chinese wedding dinner tonight! it was an interesting and new experience. the special thing about this wedding is that i can eat all the food bcos it vegeterian. haha. cool rite.

met with ming qi, abel, jon and darrel at sengkang before making our way to the place where we joined arthur n 3 other sec 1 boys in one table. being a first timer, everything looks so nice la.

since it was mr ng's wedding it was no surprise to see alot of sas teachers there. met mr goh and many more teachers. all the familiar faces! didnt managed to talk to most of them though. but nvm. shall visit sas soon to catch up with them. the most surprising and happiest person to see tonight was mr koa chee meng!!! it has been very very long since i ever saw him. the last i believe i actually met n talked to him was in 2004 after the b div rugby finals! talking to him again today was really good. 2 long years! he congratulated arthur n i for our successful a div campaign n asked how we were doing. he looked like he lost some weight for sure!

having abel sitting with you is sure entertaining. he never fails to make u laugh! we talked about so much nonsense tat i think we were basically in our own world. since no alcohol consumption is allowed, jon wanted to try to get himself high. so he resulted in inhaling the helium in the ballon. haha. super funny.

wen everybody was leaving already, we managed to catch up with mr ds. haha. had a rather amusing conversation.

on the whole, i think like wat someone told me, it was an eye opener. other then the fun i had, i learnt quite abit about the chinese tradition. n the 10 course vegetarian food was good. will be looking forward to the next one.. if im gg to get invited.. haha!

tmr is my army medical checkup. heh. gg to bring notes there n try to read through them.

my mid term break other then (trying to) study n rugby

i havent received any kiwi cup photos! other then tat...

house being renovated.

played in blacks fun touch for u20 cat. we won the tournament undefeated. team name.. erm.. super duper saints.. L to R: liang sheng, arthur, myself, akira, shenwei (capt.)

house council camp 2006. so now technically 6th House Council is no longer active. haha. its now the 7th House Council! wohoo!

n yes. finally spending time with HER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. always kena scolding last time. aiyo.

focus

i think im really dead for bt2. have been doing work. but its just isnt enough to even survive this bt2 horror. somehow my focus is still not there yet, nevertheless, its slowly improving. ahhhh...

for the past two days, i have spent most of my time unpacking and settling down my 85% renovated house. the contractors too are pissing me off. they kept delaying and stuff. jus cant stand them la. say they will do this tmr. n wen tmr comes, they start making excuses n say that the factory called n say still not ready.. brought the wrong size... wat nonsense. but wat can we say? cant scold the rite.. cos theres really no use.. scolding wont help to finish up the work but just destroys everyone mood!

combined schools season (finally) kicked off 2dae. played against republic poly n won the 78-0. playing a game after season feels different. u feel much more unfit n get really tired easily. however, wen u play, u feel less stress.

watched the game after ours where safsa played singapore poly. both them looked equally match. but physically strong n technically sound. nevertheless, safsa having army boys will for sure have a much more fitter side. eventhough safsa won sp, i think sp played really well cos with 14 men (after one got red- carded) they still managed to score agaisnt safsa.

something freaky happened today! while i was walking back from mrt station to my house. out of nowhere, appeared this gentleman on the phone. so yeah. already its quite shocking to have pple make such appearance. then, when i walk closer to him. he stopped me n asked if i was sa scrum-half. tat really took me by surprise. my initial reaction was to stare at him thinking to myself if i have seen him before. unfortunately no. so i jus smiled n said yes. then i waved at him n continue walking. n he continued talking on his phone. haha

tmr is mr ng ck wedding. the first chinese wedding in my life tat i will be attending. feeling quite excited. haha. anyway, i dont know wat to wear n bring. cos yeah. got alot of things to follow one. wen i asked abel.. he too was jus as blur la! haha. hilarious!

alrites! will update photos to tell how my term break have been since a picture can tell a thousand words. haha. lame.

dust

today is really a bad day for me. couldnt do anything productive. thought of studying at home but then the contractors came to do up the cupboards n kitchen. dust were like flying everywhere. the drilling sound. the thinner n glue smell didnt help but jus made matters worse. cant stand it. yeah soon it will all be over.

as expected my cupboard is still not done yet but the contractor tried his best and i could see it. so no worries.

i still have the unpacking phase to go through n boy theres so much things to unpack. aye. n bt2 is like in super duper close.

medical checkup is on the 19th. anyone on the same day?

moving

the contractor is damn cheater la. promised to put up my cupboard today then come over say need to do kitchen 1st. like tat no need to settle down one. now they promised me (again) tat tmr they will do it. hah.

todays combined schools game against police was postponed because the field wasnt in a good condition. so CS had trg instead. quite slack though. unit skills.

after tat watched singapore played against chinese taipei. credits must be given to singapore for playing their hearts out. i agree tat its one of the better performance of singapore rugby team so far. good stuff!

the more i see of u. the more guilty i get.

every significant relationship in your life has your fingerprints all over it - the fingerprints of your character. and those impressions on another person's life are true indications of what your character is really like.

study

went for msp 2dae. very quiet environment which forces me to study. i think im a person who needs to be forced wen it comes to academic. i want to work but i got no motivation n by gg for msp it kind of forces me to jus sit down, shut up and do my own work.

not everybody will like such an environment where u are like being caged up to study. but i think it works well for me. the only problem mabye was that the LT tables were too small. haha. other than tat. i think everything's good. still got alot more to catch up.

watched the australia against japan. i've got to say it was a well- deserved win for austrlia. and japan too deserved the outcome. from japan's play, it looked as though they were over- confident. and that comeback australia made was just incredile. 3 goals in 5 minutes. good stuff.

combined schools season starts tmr. playing against police at yck, 4pm.

as i reflect now, i admit the mistakes i have done and apologised for it. im really sorry for the damage i've caused. nevertheless, its okay if u dont want to forgive me. so now lets move on.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company... a school.. a friendship...

painful lesson

i give up. really.

goodbye.

what's missing

I have been missing the point. The point is not knowing another person, or learning to love another person. The point is simply this: how tender can we bear to be? What good manners can we show as we welcome ourselves and others into our hearts?

hullo!

hullo! hashim here! lol.
crashing k-rule's blog.
just finished playing around with the template.
hahahaaha.

doubts

When we live superficially, when we are always outside ourselves, never quite "with" ourselves, always divided and pulled in many directions by conflicting plans and projects, we find ourselves doing many things that we do not really want to do, saying things we do not really mean, needing things we do not really need and exhausting ourselves for what we secretly realize to be worthless and without meaning in our lives.

reflect and think bout it. dont you think most of the frienships you have are smiliar to this?

i am starting to doubt and question everything around me. aye. im at lost of words.


Where faith is there is courage, there is fortitude, there is steadfastness and strength...
Faith bestows that sublime courage that rises superior to the troubles and disappointments of life, that acknowledges no defeat except as a step to victory; that is strong to endure, patient to wait, and energetic to struggle...
Light up, then, the lamp of faith in your heart. . . .
It will lead you safely through the mists of doubt and the black darkness of despair; along the narrow, thorny ways of sickness and sorrow, and over the treacherous places of temptation and uncertainty.

st andrew's rugby career

my st. andrew's rugby career

today marks the end of my st. andrew's rugby career. after today, i will no longer be wearing the blue and white hoops playing school-boy rugby competitively. it has been a very long journey i had chosen since jan 2001. my career started when i chose to go sas after being scouted during a rugby tournament in primary school. just for the record, i didnt study at junior school at all. the primary school i came from was rosyth.

this journey like any others, have its ups and downs. bitter-sweet memory. rugby in st. andrew's have mould me into what i am today. looking at the fruits of our labour, i think all the injuries i have sustain and effort i had given was worth every single penny.

during this journey, the friendships i forged was one so close that i really treated every single player as my friend and brother. we went through so much shit together. gg to trg and camps getting tortured as one. trying to act terror but never had balls to fight outside field. and our forte, gossiping about others. haha. yes, at times we have misunderstandings with one another, that can lead to punch ups but deep in there we still look out and protect each other both on and off the field. we go through pain together.. pushing each other during fitness and drag each other just to get over that cross line. at times vomitting together.. standing one line along the drain at the old kallang campus vommitting cos trg was just to intensive.if u ask me.. thats wat true friends are for. its not only about gg into the field to play and win. its about the process that we have been through. all this had resulted passion for the game (believe it or not) and camaraderie.

what i will treasure the most from this career is my fellow st. andrews players. you will not be forgotten even though wen im dead. haha.

some of the flashbacks of my carrer:

Low Points:

- i still remembered the 1st ever trg i went in sec 1, where we had mr alan wee's share of fitness. it was not only a great cultural shock but also my whole body ached for at least one week. to make matters worse.. my classroom was at the 4th level. haha.

- the most painful moment was when i missed a drop kick smack in the middle of the post during the scc plate finals where lai wei scored a last second try to cover the deficit by 1 point. i missed the kick. if not for tat miss, it would have been a good final for me where i scored 3 tries.

-in 2002, when we lost to acsi in the u14 finals with a whooping 56-0. -trying to get the 2004 team to come together was really hard. everyone had their own "i-am-always-right" attitude. being the captain then, its really sad to see players not getting along. nevertheless, it was all settled.

-my wrist. but i never let it stop me from wat i love the most.. playing rugby.

High Points:

- being the captain of two championship teams (B n A div) that not only win, but rewrote history

n proved others that nothing was impossible.

-scoring the golden try during the 2003 police cup semis against sji (sec 3 then). i scored the try in the last minute of extra time.-scoring the equalising try in the a div police cup finals.

-captaining the sajc side to win our 1st ever national schools 10-a-side competition. in addition, it was the most number of tries i scored in any competition so far plus i scored at least one try in every game. haha.

-being able to continue playing rugby for saints after my Os.

step down

its interesting to see how my tag board is being used by two different individuals of different rugby school communicating to one another. im fine with it. haha. (:

house camp was rather slack for the seniors with so many "breaks". i think it was more of catching up old times with each other. gg into someone's room and talk, gossip and laugh together. my room mate was mr caleb! haha. super funny. caleb always sleep very early and is always the first too. left for kiwi cup trg half way during the camp. travelling from nus to yck is very long. and im so not use to that. but good experience. on the whole, i see alot of potential in the 7th house council. further more, i believe they will do a much better job than the 6th. yep. (:

had a nice long chat with st. andrew's rugby head coach, mr alan wee. productive conversation i must say. haha.

oh yeah. i won 2days 1nite (including free breakfast) stay at sheraton towers (5 stars)! haha. ((:

things i need/want to do: (in order of priority)

1. study, study and study
2. win the return leg of the kiwi cup
3. my ice- cream treat! *ahem*
5. play combined schools and get both my zonal and national colours
6. get my operation done

PIMP2!

my new favourite number: 0139
wohoo! i just love it.

bored at liang sheng's place

the 1st week of holidays is almost coming to an end. n time seems to fly sooo fast. 3 more weeks to bt2 and boy.. i do need to get down to damn bloody serious mugging. not say i havent been down to do any work but jus that i think my pace is alittle too slow. need to speed up.

so yeah. we lost to raffles in the first leg of the kiwi cup, but tat does not mean we are out of the running. we will train even harder and come back stronger. 12 points down. second leg will be at our home ground and theres no more excuses not to perform. its time to regroup and refocus.

overnight at mr tee's place yesterday and i am still at his place now. haha. in the morning went for combined schools trg. as expected the turnout was bad. it really doesnt surprised me cos being in the team last yr, unfortunately, this is the players attitude towards combined schools trg. seriously i think there is a need for a change. but then again, u cant force players to come down cos their national schools season is over and their main priority now is, like everyone else, catch up with work they have missed out. nevertheless if u come to think of it, this pple still can find time to go out with their frens/gf/ girls/ etc.. or clubbing and all the non-productive things but not coming down for trg. i guess, like wat someone told me, everyone priorities have changed. and not everyone has the same passion for the sport.

this then comes to another change i have noticed since coming to jc. in sec school, every player is being driven by passion to play the game. they would sacrifice anything to just get down for trg and game. nothing would stop by their way. however, wen u come to jc, things start to change. players driving force is no longer on the passion but also other factor(s). i mean its perfectly fine as long as u can produce results. but then wen all their heart is being given to the other factors and no longer in the passion, u can see the change. they will lose interest in trg. attendance very inconsistent and all negative change. its up to the individual i guess to get this priority rite.

hm.. i thought of changing my blog skin. keep to something much simpler. haha.

pictures!

if u really think of it. winning the national rugby championships for club (div 1) doesnt feel the same as winning the national schools a div. its much more emotional.

finally more photos of the finals are coming in. good stuff.

thursday had a kiwi cup trg. not many came though. but the highlight of that day was having dinner with arthur, liang sheng and marcus. haha. we talked and talked from 6.30pm all the way to 10.00pm. time really flies when ur enjoying urself. haha.

on fri went for combined schools meeting at ccab. quite surprised to see the faces of the players selected for combined schools. heh.

sat went to watch super 14 finals at scc. the weather condition of the game was really bad. it was damn foggy. u cant even see ur line from one end to the other.

blacks fun touch was on sun. shen wei (our capt), akira, liang sheng, arthur and i played for Super Duper Saints. akira had to choose such a freaking wierd team name. nevertheless, wats more impt is that we had fun. we beat all the teams coming in 1st position cos the competiton was in a round robin format.

kiwi cup game is 2dae. Saints XV vs Raffles XV.

good life.

A Division National Schools Police Cup Champions 2006,

St Andrew's Junior College

one of the feelings i will remember for the rest of my life!

the suddenly change in lifestyle after season is over is very hard to adapt. for the past 3 months, they the only thing u did was train, train and train. u had always hope and bitched about how much free time u wish u had so that u can do things u like and need to do. and now wen the time have finally arrived, u wished those training days were back. u missed all the hard tackles, line breaks, drills, playing touch before trg, gg through fitness together and more important the great camaraderie.

28 boys doing all the shit together. getting into trouble together and helping each other out. gossiping before, during and after trg and also dinner! haha. i miss those days. we cabbed home cos we were damn tired. share our life stories with each other. being brothers at the same time giving our (5-cents-worth-of) advice. great stuff.

so now its back to the books and doing the things u dreamt of during ur campaign. what matters the most is knowing that the effort you had put in during that period paid off! (:

finals report

CLICK HERE to read the A Division Rugby Finals Report by Mr Yee Teck Peng, Old Boy of St. Andrew's.
Thanks Sir!

champions

CHAMPIONS!!!

it felt great to end off my last national schools tournament being the champs!

shall blog more about it very soon!

photos

The cinema that became an arcade outing...

wonderful friday and saturday

we had our last fitness (and mental) trg on friday. trg during public holiday is already a norm for us. we r used to it. and also enjoying it. yeps. the initial plan for us was to do track work. however, mr ho didnt know that there was a family day function by some outsiders. in addition, jus before trg was about to officially start, a thunderstorm came. therefore, we finally trained in the hall. fitness was more of a mental conditioning for us. did circuits and suicides for like super damn long. the only driving force that keeps u gg is the encouragements from your fellow mates and the hunger for that championships. after the pt, did a few team runs before jumping into the pool for our 2nd hydrosession. much better one.

after trg a few of us went to hav dinner at potong pasir before having a major talk cock session at macs. we talked so much about sooo many things that we didnt look after the time. by the time we saw the time it was already 9 plus.

this morning had to help coach the SAJS under- 12 boys. they had a friendly tournament organised by centarus. as they did not have enough manpower, mr tong asked me to come down n help. it was an enjoyable experience. coaching little kids how to play rugby. haha. wen u talk to them u can communicate with them too many technical terms if not they will give u the i know whats happening look but then dont understand a darn thing. the team that i coached won all our games. good performance. made little new frens too 2dae. all making plans to come sas already. thats really good. at the same time, the sajc touch rugby team was having their tournament there too. managed to get a glimpse or two wen they played.

afternoon was spent for my first love, rugby. we had trg at the home team academy, choa chu kang there. every players face looked very tired n fatigue. productive session though. got used to the ground too. 4 days to finals.

once trg ended wen it was already evening, most of the ruggers were too tired to do anything. alex, liang sheng, joel, jesse, khai nam and i had dinner at kfc near the mrt station there. initially we planned to catch a movie after we ate but then someone didnt feel like watching so we changed our plans. haha. we then wanted to jus chill n relax at the arcade and play that shooting game. BUT ended up playing para-para! its damn embarrassing lar! everyone looking at us n laughing. AND ALSO liang sheng is DAMN pro in para-para. he even has the thoughts of making it his new hobby! haha. just wen u think playing para-para is quite lame n mad, we later decided to take neoprints. haha. being first timers, we didnt know how to operate such sophisticated machine so we jus anyhow press. took about six shots and happily designed it. in the end, we ended up printing only ONE of the SIX we designed which took us ages. super idiotic lar. nevertheless, on the whole, it was something which i enjoyed today. taking a break from the things u always do n go for something really different.

SAINTS GO MARCHING TO THE FINALS!

FINALLY after 17 long years, sajc rugby team is gg to the finals! the jinx of our team always getting 3rd for the past decade and more is finally over. ((:

CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL MATCH REPORT BY MR YEE

now its time to get back to the drawing boards and focus on winning the finals. yes. history may have been made but its not over yet. i have faith in this team gg winning the championships.

this coming wed will be the last national schools competition i will be ever playing for the blue and white stripes. i promise you it will be the best game i ever play in my life sine sec 1 cos i know i will never have the chance again to play with the some players who i have grown up with since sec 1 and now are like brothers.

today, went to watch sajc soccer team played against tpjc. first half was rather dull n sa wasnt really playing their best. but everything changed in the 2nd half. sajc soccer team stepped up their play by a few levels n sajc outplayed n outsmarted their opposition to finished the game with 3 goals n not allowing their oppo to score. congrat soccer boys for making it to the semis!
a good well done. rest assured that the rugby team will be behind you guys and prays that u will do well for ur tournament.

it goes out for the rest of the sports teams too. good luck!

after the game, went out with some of the ruggers for dinner at the airport. talked so much rubbish n nonsense. having so much fun. (:

alrites. im off to bed. long day tmr. eventhough its a hol.

shooting

having a fellow saint shooting u in the back just pisses you off.. agree?
i feel like wanting to SMACK the fellow. but no. i shall not do such things.

2dae i met an irritating person. how do u want pple to respect you if u dont have any respect for them? wake up ur idea la!

more imptly, tmr is the semis against acjc. sa team looking well prepared. its all in god's hand. we will surely play the best game u can ever see.

ok im tired. i still need to go do some bloody work.

tired tired khairul hilmi

this whole week (actually for the past 3 weeks) have been very tiring. time flew so fast that i dont really fell that its actually 7th may.

firday was exhausting. supposed to go for an interview with the other students leaders of the school at 3pm but had to take my malay language block test. so last minute and i hate last minutes. in the end, the school made arrangements for me to take my paper earlier and then go for the interview. paper was rather easy. interview was interesting. haha. once done, quickly rushed down for trg. then arnd 6 plus had to quickly change up because my mum was coming down to see the CT. my ct did had anything bad to say about me other my work harder for my studies. he says he admired my courage and determination. haha. by the time we finished, it was almost 8pm n had to quickly rushed back for the rugby camp.

we had major varse to kick off our 2nd rugby camp, in prep for the semis, where he thought us how to use the "flame" in our body. found it very useful. the climax of the camp came soon after. i somehow had this feeling that we r gg to do it. mr tong asked us what we want to have in a team. we gave quite alot and had to choose four only. after voting, we came up with commitment, trust, forgiveness and teamwork. soon after, the coaches came out with a sentence for us to remember. then the hard part came, we had to be blind folded and smack through to sets of tackle bags where in between was your team mates to make sure u dont go out of the way. once we reach our coach, we opened our blindfold and had to say that sentence believing in what we say and coming right from the bottom of our hearts. it was never easy esp wen u hav so little time and great amount of pressure and tension. its worth pointing out that doing this activity has made alot of us having more sense of belonging to the team.

being the capt, had to start first. took me 4 tries to get through. took arnd 2 hrs by the time we end it was 12am. i FINALLY had the time to rest since 1pm. felt so tired. further more, had a game the following day.

played centarus on sat. starting 15 played very well. good stuff.

went home n quickly cleaned up myself before meeting arthur, sherwyn, jairus and louis.

nxt week is gg to be another long one...
my whole body is starting to fail me. ahhh.....

doing the things you love.

major varse n i were having talking that day about how wonderful life will be if we have actually pursue what we enjoy and love doing since young. that would make us really good in that area. but then how do we really know if we really so passionate bout it? we are humans. we can suddenlylose passion for one thing at the same time develop interest for another. whatever it is.. major varse and i thought that what is really impt is during that transition wen we change for the pursue our new interest, we have to fully let go of the other. u cant get the best of both worlds.

get on with life.

wed's trg was one of the most productive trg sessions. we had team runs... in the DARK. yeah. 25 boys running around the field in darkness with very little light coming from the lamp posts. good stuff. camp tmr!

life is very unpredictable. i guess mud sticks rite?
it never rains but it pours.

disgusting!

although we won srjc rugby today by 68 points to zero, sajc once again played their worst game ever. im not trying to discriminate srjc, i believe they played rather well. giving us good hits. sajc points mostly came from individual effort and not the team effort. every department went wrong again. that is the underlying problem that we still havent found yet? i want to solve it quick so that we can play well against acjc nxt wed.

is it me?
is it him? (not reffering to any player in specific)
is it the coaches? (i strongly doubt so)
or is it jus YOU?

today's game was just horrendous. thats all i can say once again.

family and trg

hav been spending most of my time during the weekend with my family. finally. (:

2dae's trg was damn tiring la. we trained from 0830am till 1200pm. n it was all field work. morning sun n afternoon sun feel totally different. my body i think is conditioned more for trg in the afternoon like after 4pm. so wen we trained today i feel rather tired n lethargic. feel so unfit.

further more, the trg intensity was rather high. esp during team runs. finishing just wasnt there n we kept doing it over n over again till we perfected it. tempers flew arnd. but its good that all this happen during trg. at least we can correct it now rather then making such stupid mistakes in the game. imagine urself at 1130am, when the sun it like almost directly above ur heads. no clouds to cover u. u can feel urself so hot. even the mud on ur skin had dried up. yucks. n to make matters worse... ur team just couldnt finish the move. n you kept doing it over n over n over again. thats wat happened today. nevertheless, today's trg session was very productive. AND yes. sajc rugby team do train on public holidays too.

after that went for lunch with ruggers where we had a good talking cock session before gg home.

tmr will be playing against srjc @ srjc, 4.45pm. its our last group stage games before the semis next wednesday against acjc.

to my ruggers:
You can be anything u want to be, have anything you desire, accomplish anything you set out to accomplish- if you will hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.

my spendings

went out with parents on sunday to do some shopping. i found two other new love. not bags but watches and choclates. heh. today bought a new swatch watch for $220, choclates which adds up to $60, new belt for $30 and wallet for $67. this does not include wat i bought on sat. come to think of it... i think i freaking spent alot of month in april alone. if im gg to type it out. i think everyone will start cursing. at least im having a gd time (: another gd thing about being a single.. u got everything for urself ((:

shopping can really drown one's sorrows and troubles. but this painkiller only works for awhile. n once it wears off. ur sure to get more pain wen u check ur pockets too. heh.

hope will spend less in may.

ok.. im off. need to get some rest cos trg is later at 8am! haha!!!

scrum-half

taken from mr tong's email:

Scrumhalves are cocky. They are the undersized streetfighters of the rugby world. They bounce about, india-rubber men, giving lip to everybody, obeyed and protected by their eight-man bodyguard. And many teams will pick their scrumhalf first. They make excellent referees.

hahahaha!

stalemate.

its a stalemate. ohwell. thats life.

trg 2dae ended at 9pm! we had a video session followed by circuits and finishing off with a mental conditioning. during mental conditioning, we had this carwash session which is extremely useful. further more, i think its about time we had one of this sessions. during carwash, everyone had to pass thier HONEST opinion bout the person infront of them and vice versa. we had to be very frank and accept watever critics your team mate has to say with a pinch of salt. well. thats the only way for a team to get better and players understanding each other more.

while arthur, khai nam and i were gg home. we walked past a rally by SDA's Chiam See Tong. i find the ending part of the rally rather interesting and funny. haha. everyone was like cheering n screaming for him. haha. better not blog too much about elections if not later get into trouble. ha.

tomorrow will be my free saturday where i got nothing to do. finally after 2.5 months. (:

a div pics.

councillors leading in cheering

great supporters!

team talk

defence line opens up

inside ball off me to arthur

trying my luck for extra 10 which i got.

facts about me

here are some facts about myself. was doing quite a few tests. so here are the results. i randomly jus cut n paste.

- Personality tpye: the perfectionist

- Ones need to be right, beyond reproach. An inner critic continually checks for possible faults. They continually try to do what is right, and likewise expect others to do the same. They become cranky when either they or others fail to measure up.

- One's greatest fear is that they might be condemned for failure to adhere to their principles or ideals, whether lofty or trivial. Along with this urge comes a vigilance and an attention to detail.

- Ones need to be right, beyond reproach. An inner critic continually checks for possible faults. They continually try to do what is right, and likewise expect others to do the same. They become cranky when either they or others fail to measure up.

- They are perfectionists and expect others to live up to their exacting standards. (flaw)

- . As managers they are prone to over-controlling subordinates out of an attempt to "get it right" on their terms. (flaw)

- have learned to be tolerant of themselves, and, consequently, tolerant of others. They have transcended petty fault-finding in themselves and others.

- Personality Profile type: Self-Sacrificing

- To live is to serve, to live is to give, their needs wait until others' needs are met.

- Self-Sacrificing people are always considerate in their dealings with others. They are ethical, hones, and trustworthy.

- They are long-suffering. They prefer to shoulder their own burdens in life. They have much patience and a high tolerance for discomfort.

- Self-Sacrificing individuals are rather naive and innocent. They are unaware of the often deep impact they make on other people's lives, and theytend never to suspect deviousness or underhanded motive in the people whom the give so much of themselves.

true or not. i dont know.

i love my parents.

i LOVE my parents! they are super supportive. for the situtation im in, i believe every parent would say a NO immediately and wont even listen to what you go to say. but my parents are different! they sat down n listen to what i got to say. they understand the importance and the need for me to play. they know the consequences and complications that might happen. n yet they give the green light to play and will support whatever decision i make. its really gives u a very peaceful mind wen ur in the field playing with ur parents' blessings. they have given me the extra strength i needed.

alot of pple believe im mad n stupid. making a rash decision. but wait till u hav been training for something since last june playing for combined schools and club so that u can play well for this last national schools season. quickly recovering from an op so that u wont be missing this season. n sacrificing alot of impt things since last june. it has been integrated in ur life.

todays game against jjc was an okay performance. nothing impressive or bad. need to work on the finishings. jjc played very tight today. running off the base of the rucks. n yeah. first team that can actually counter and drive back our mauls. sa had good phase plays. communication still have alot to work on and miss tackles. one major mistake sajc team made was tackling too high. can be worked on. one thing sajc team shd learn frm jjc is the fighting spirit they had. even though they may be down they still kept fighting till the final whistle. take my cap off to them.

its a time for reflection.

worrying

Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.

-- Mary Hemingway

follow ur heart.

season

rugby season has started. didnt kicked off the season on a high. theres much more work to be done. passes, moves, kicks and attitude. pjc was nothing but one of the worst game i ever played in my rugby career. never have i played before such mess and lousy decision-making. poor lines of run. n lousy attitude. but whats done is done and things will only get better.

lost to rjc yesterday. a game which i truly believe saints could have won. couldnt really settle down in the first half which allowed rjc to take the lead. fought back well in the second half. the fighting spirit of the team esp in the last few minutes of the game was awsome. that hunger to win. the drive to keep gg. the motivation from one another and the crowd. the aggression. the tenacity. the focus. the love. although we lost, i know that we have really done a good job. keep up this good work boys and i promise you, we will go a long way. also, the atmosphere was great. couldnt feel my knees after the game.

just for the record, sajc rugby team had never scored a try against rjc or acjc in 15-a-side rugby since 2001. (: something to be proud off.

remember the 3 fundamental things to win a game (to team sajc):
1. Discipline
2. Communication
3. Focus
if you have these, your team will go far.

havent really been catching up with school work. tmr i plan to do some catching up. i hope.

since the intensity of trg has increased and house comm elections gg on (plus studies i try to catch up), i had almost no time for myself and my frens. things have only been revolving around these 3 (if not 2) things. need to go find time to spend with my frens. sometimes, i think im lucky to have understanding frens. but how understanding can one be if they always make sacrifices for you but u do nothing in return. lousy friend rite?

we finally talked to each other. (:

hate it

starting to dislike what i always do and where i always go.

hate it.

argh. no mood. bye.

my fault

i admit what happened was my fault. i will take full responsbility of it. i didnt want to cos any harm. but i guess i did. me- the useless fellow. im sorry.

i really want to jus dissapear.

shit friends

oh yeah. i forgot to say that im such a
lousy, freaking useless, good-for-nothing, hopeless, problematic friend.

FAILURE

im such a fucking failure.

why?
1. pressure is building up and im at a stage where i cant handle it anymore. (what a loser.)
2. issues with people.
3. fucked up "high- profile" life.
4. releasing my anger at the wrong people, place and time.
5. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN.
6. dont know what the fuck im doing.
7. LOUSY leader.
8. cant focus.
9. cant balance.
10. allowing my body to burn out eventhough i know how harmful the effects are.
11. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. PAIN. = NUMB!
12. at the verge of not giving a damn shit about anything and everything.

whats happening? i dont know.

waste of time

Everything to me seems to be a waste of time nowdays. Somethings which I used to enjoy now jus add on to the stress and pressure. sucks. People who I used to be close with are drifting further and further apart. i guess EVERYTHING is my fault. used already to be the one taking all the blames.
i cant do much if i cant even get my own life proper.

me, myself n I.

what is right?

i've made a decision. some pple think im stupid and immature. some pple think otherwise. whatever it is i will stick by it and no one else is gg to stop me. im prepared to take all the riska there are eventhough i know it can/will affect my future all for my team, my school and my passion. its not that im a true blue saint or anything. but one thing for sure i will not let the pple arnd me down. i will not sit by the sidelines to watch my team battle but to fight together with team. isnt that wat team spirit is all about? we being there for each other through thick and thin?

life is all about taking risks. if one never tries, he will never know what the results will... be it in his favour or not. when things get tough n hard, i need to be strong n keep fighting for what i believe in.

if anything is gg to happen to me so be it. at least i knew i have tried my best. deep in my heart im happy eventhough the needle piercing pain is on me. im ready. im prepared. n i will live life with no regrets cos i know that this is something that i've wanted to do.


all i need is the support from God, family, friends and most importantly sajc rugby team.

get well soon

Get Well Soon Kumar!

Every great work, every great accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement.

rugby camp

rugby camp was both physically n mentally challenging. it had really test our mind n body beyond its limit. but now i feel accompolished that i have survived this camp.

the camp started off with field trg. we had a friendly game with the B division boys who are preparing for their semis this coming monday against SJI. had a good run. after that, was the start of the torture time. the ruggers had to go to the gallery. there, we did like 300 plus kind of different exercises. for me, since i couldnt do excercises involving the wrist, i had a total abs workout with the help of gym master, suhaimi. haha. he made me do all kinds of abs exercises la. goodness. after tat worked on the hammies n knees. everywhere single body parts started hurting. it hurt soo much that after 3/4 through the torture time, my whole legs (both sides) were numb n at one time i really cant even support myself. i totally went beyond my limits. but i strongly believe tats is the main reason why we are doing all these in the first place- to test our mind n body. glory is nothing without pain.

after taking ages to shower, we had our dinner followed by a video session in the ava. watched the cjc game which was rather pathetic. but we have surely learnt alot from it. its time to put all this into action. theres no use watching n practising a move or game plan, but not being able to excute it in the game or wen the pressure sets in. then watched a small part of the all blacks game against british lions before ending off the night with a movie. very inspiring. we checked in into saint andrew's hotel n were given 3 rooms. next block neighbour was the sports club also having their camp.. at 3am while everyone was like asleep or still trying to sleep, our neighbours conducted a some drill session which woke me up n gave me problems trying to sleep for the rest of the night. argh.

by 7am, we were at the tracks doing moring pt. we did 4 sets of 800m. where everyone has to come in before 4 min. i managed to meet the timings. but those who didnt had to come forward to do another extra 3 sets of 400m. decided to run with them again. cos after all, a team is only as strong as its weakest link. further more, i already like couldnt feel my legs wen i started running. haha. after that, had breakfast n trg. after lunch we had physio talk before breaking off from the camp- something which i looked forward to.

Good Luck Team Sajc!

post exam

i need a break.

didnt had the break i needed after block test 1 cos i was still caught up with lots of things. mon had physics spa. went rather alrite i guess. after tat we had trg. it has been quite a while since we trained. n season is like SUPER close. we did fitness.. something which i tink the team really needs. damn tiring. i basically couldnt really hyperextent my wrist. so had to subsitute the exercises involving wrists to some others where it involves other body parts. did unit skills later followed by team- run. will be playing against cjc tmr at 5.3pm in the yuckie field behind the c block.

2dae had prize presentation for the scc 7s squad. one part of me felt proud of myself while the part of me was dissapointed. one thing for sure i know was tat we could have done much better during the tournament. i do agree tat having gone to the cup finals after like 15 yrs is an achievement. but what really is an achievement wen u know you could have been better? wen u know u have much more potential. yes it hurts. but its a lesson learnt. remember this feeling n make sure it doesnt happen again.

went with ls ltr to get his boots. nice boots. saw Gilbert (saint's legendary kicker) at popular bookstore with ls.

while gg back home a thought came to my tired mind. i was thinking why i am still playing rugby even though i have been through two major injuries in a row. its not a fun thing for sure. n its not something which you think you can enjoy and slack. bullshit. having injuries only means u sit there n watch pple train, wen u come back.. you better get back in shape quick n ure expected to perform like u did before u got injured or if not better. there is not much time left as everyone knows season is fast approaching. the only thing that keeps me going telling me carry on b be strong is the strong passion i have for the sport and the school. more importantly, i need this game to help for my future. its really important. it doesnt matter if i have to be "wrapped up" jus to train or play. i will do it. people arnd me keep telling me the repercussions that i will be having when i grow old. I KNOW! it would really be nice if you guys can stop reminding me about that.

all i want now is to make the best out of this season since its gg to be the last (hopefully) national schools competition that i will be representing st. andrew's. wearing that tradition blue and white stripes.

future

went shopping with parents today. got a new pair of boots, knee guard, shirts, pants and i cant remember wat else. haha. good day. tmr is physics spa. n trg is gg to resume. gg back full on. wohoo!

with the departure of technial director, matt ryan, the fate and future of singapore rugby union remains even more uncertain. ohwell. thanks to one idiot who ran away with the money, everyone else has to suffer. i think that the worse thing any human can do.

bull

sometimes i really think whether have i really made the right decision so far in life being where i am now. is a dream n ambition the same? ohwell.

you know i really believe that this world is full of pple who makes so much noise and comments and never show it in action. a typical NATO (No Action, Talk Only). they go around making smart comments jus because they may have the experience and money or wat so ever that makes them better than those they comment on. like hello! dont you know whatever smart ass comments you make can affect that person? n how does it bloody feels if you are working ur ass off and really working hard wen someone who does no shit comes up out of nowhere n make a comment on you jus because you make a mistake n such comments really hurt. to make matters worse they can be one of your own pple. sickening? yes.

these pple have already done nothing and wen u do smth good... they will happily take all the credits like its theirs n tat they were a Major contributing factor. wen you dont... they will try to disown you n make u feel like a damn loser. bloody irritating n sick. hah. n the best part is wen u need their help, they close their doors n make excuses. yeah.

miracously, i dont wat made me still make that decision eventhough there were many other options. hah. too late to cry over it or anything. but one thing for sure.. i will make the best out of
it. trust me if you pple are gg to open that shit ass again i will do smth nasty. hah.

tis entry is not bcos i noticed it happen to others but myself. n i dont want to say who. dont bother trying to guess either.

other than that, im cool n happy! =)
wont be pissed jus bcos of shit mouths!

SAJC SCC 7s SQUAD 2006

Hose House Committee!

major reconstruction

it has been ages since i actually blogged. was on semi-haitus as my life went through some reconstruction.

had school scc 7s a few weekends ago. though we didnt win the competition, which i knew we could, we still broke a record for sajc as the last time sajc ever went to the finals was 1991 n thats like 15 long years. rugby season is fast approaching and we really need to get down to serious buisness now. having camp nxt fri n sat.

block test sucks. shall make no further comment.

shall blog more next time.

loss of hope

dear God,
i really need u now.

update!

farewell

Farewell Mr Wayne Williams. May you rest in Peace. It has been an honour playing together with you for the season.

What would you do when you need to make a decision that:
1. both has heavy negative consequences
2. both are equally important
3. you have already tried balancing n doing both but u just cant do it
4. you need to really choose one
5. you need to make it quick or u will lose both.

I really don't know. ohwell.

coming soon.

im being to have this habit to update my blog once a week at most. cant really find time to blog.
so this week has been rather interesting.

being asked to go for the photoshoot was damn embarrassing. the principal having to call out ur name during morning assembly asking you to see her immediately after morning assembly is damn scary. to make matters more interesting, the tchers all got an email that i was going for it. i mean that is really damn malu. n nowdays if u notice some teachers already give u that stare.

the photoshoot was on thurs. didnt go sch. the building looks like some god-knows ulu warehouse. but inside the company's office was cool. they had so many photo studious. wat was much more cool was that there was actually a pool table in the lounge. all of us that were they were like wow! played for a while with the rest of the pple. drink were free flow. jus go to the fridge and take.

one thing for sure is i dont think being a model is fun. its really tiring and boring. setting up the crops take sooo much time. then they put make up on ur face. i really look damn gay la n someone will agree with me rite? never in my life have i ever used those facial powder and lipstick until thursday. haha. then comes the photo taking part.

had to take 3 different positions for the photos. photos are taken to perfection. in other words, i have to pose there while they take a few photos. then all will rush to the computer to see how the pic is while i stone in that position. if they like it i can stop. if not we taking photos until they get one they like. to get one photo it took damn long la. esp the one where i had to jump n they take me in the air. that is damn bloody tiring. somehow its also rather scary bcos the last time i jumped that high and landed was during the rsn 10s where my leg ended up in a depression causing me to tear my meniscus and go for op. so yeah. mental barrier. haha.

nevertheless, overall it was one super fun experience. something which i will never forget n lucky to get. =)

end of the week

yesterday had house comm cip. it has somehow made an impact to me. not too sure about others though. n yes. finally had a melay-unit dinner that evening. had a good time.

today cleaned my room. i finally decided to get my lazy ass to work. decided that before i start my official revision for block test 1 which starts tmr, i shd start cleaning my room first so that i can have the mood to mug. haha. spent the whole afternoon doing it.

ok.. im off to plan for induction!

brothers

o levels results were out. most of my junior ruggers didnt make it to the jc. it is really very sad that after we play for about 4 years together, we can no longer play side by side using the blue and white stripes.. but life goes on. we need 2 b strong. we go our separate ways. the bond that had been formed can never be broken or taken away from anyone else bcos we have been through thick and thin together. we won, lost, fight, bleed, discloate and smile together as one. it especially hurts even more for me as ur ex-capt who have not only seen but grown together with you since you were sec 1. from us being trashed and smacked 56-0 in 2002 to winning the tittle 10-7 in 2004. training were never easy and we pushed each other and work together.

this journey that we have been through together will always be remembered for the rest of my life and it the best. at times we may challenged by obsctales we find its almost impossible to overcome but we did. i dare proudly say we are brothers. for those that make it, welcome aboard. for those that didnt, you have created such a positive impact to the team while u guys were here for these few weeks. something which i thank you from the bottom of my hearts. even though we may not wear that sajc jerseys together i hope to get to play along with you guys soon. hopefully through our clubs and old boys game. take care boys.

here is the quote that was read to us before our finals and every single word means alot of to us:
"We would not die in the man's company,
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered,
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me,
Shall be my brother."
-Shakespeare's Henry V, Act 4, Scene 3

all the best brothers.

hard to find time to update blog. sch work is piling up like nobody's buisness. n gg for physio so that can recover and start training as soon as possible. this week starting jogging already, thus can slowly start working on my fitness. will blog more soon. now no mood.

life goes on

no matter what happens. life goes on. we need to be strong.