class gathering

the taxi fare is gg to increase! ahhhh.. this only means tat i have to spend more money! which oso means i need to start saving so that i can take cabs. haha. with this increment, my cab fare to travel from school to home or vice versa surpass $5 for sure. further more, with the $2 surcharge during peak hours.. woah.. can b quite ex la. almost like travelling frm home to school n back! soultion: start saving now! haha.

went for the college day rehersal which was like dead boring. left early though. haha.

later had class gathering a qian li's place. her house is the best place la. like a palace. we were supposed to be bbq-ing but in the end very little pple did n the maids ended up doing all the job. food was great. already we ate to much during the bbq, our host had spoilt us further more with the toothsome chocolaty desserts that no one could resist! we start off with strawberries, marshmellows and apples dipped in luscious melted black choclates. soon after that, we were greeted with choclate pudding topped by vannila ice-cream. the sinful yet heavenly taste of it wen u feel the chocolate pudding melts in our mouth is unforgetable. haha. oh man. we all really need make sure we keep exercising.

really tired now. off to bed!

its not the end yet...

bt2 is over. up next is prelims. about 9 weeks. time seems to pass so fast. after the last paper, play soccer with the melays. it has been ages since i actually played soccer. haha. its always rugby. (:

the power of procrastination

arent all of us guilty of being great procrastinators? esp wen it comes to academic part of our lives. we keep giving ourselves the false hope tat there is still time to revise or catch up with work later. wen tat time comes, we continue procrastinating bcos we r so used to it.. knowing to ourselves tat there is already very little time but just couldnt get started. we give ourselves all types of excuses. its an addiction. its like smoking. both are hard to stop. smoking destorys ur health. procrastinating destorys ur future of being a successful person.

WE KNOW THIS FACT. but tat false sense of security n hope we r living in is so great tat it everything seems fine and under control. mabye its jus superficial. deep in our lazy hearts we know tat we are gg to be in enormous shit. but we dont want to face it. we are scared n intimidated. we know tat its gg to be demoralising. we know tat no one is to be blamed but ourselves. YET, we got no courage to admit it. our bloody big egos.

but one thing we do know that we cannot run away from it. FINALLY, comes the time when we are being corner n its about time to face the music of ur procrastinations. this fantasy world we live in starts crashing hard on us. WE shit in our pants. SUDDENLY, we are being drowned by insecurities everywhere. feeling uneasy to even sleep. our hearts can be calm one moment and then beating like mad the other moment. our thoughts in a mess. finally mastering the art of stoning. feeling helpless. depressed. irritated. wen we reflect back, we regretted for not working hard and focusing. boy, its too late. no use crying over spilt milk...we know.. fatigue soon sets in, we feel so tired n sick while we actually have done nothing at all.

one thing we really feel like doing is giving up cos eveything seems to be out of control.. to accept the thought tat we are defeated wen the battle is not over yet though it close. once we give up, another pathetic character develops...we believe we are lousy. good foor nothing. hopeless. basically GONE. slowly, we lose tat potential we once knew we could be someone.

is this the life we all shd live in?

okay. if u noticed by now.. this entry is quite untidy. my mind is in disarray. ok pure nonsense. besides, who cares for what u are gg through? i've already lost faith in the word trust.

weather

the level 1 coaching course was very productive as it teaches u the basic techniques of play. like how to pass n tackle. as simple as it may sound to most rugby players, trust me not everyone has the correct techniques. i think as we play more rugby, we tend to find shortcuts to doing things such as tackling. and yes, it may look perfectly fine when u take such shortcuts. but u dont know tat u r actually lacking some safety aspects of it. however, i wasnt able to complete the whole course because of i had combined schools game.

the weather cheated my feelings yesterday. initially wen i reached farrer park arnd 1 plus, it was very hot. having already known we would be playing in such weather, i didnt really bother la. the two com schs game were switched. so its com sch b playing against safsa first followed by com sch a against nothern knights. com sch b lost to safsa. with safsa dominating the game. closer to the end of the 1st game, the weather took a drastic change, it started to raining heavily. our bags were left drenched in the rain n the wrost field to play in the rain is farrer park's one. to make matters worse, this year's com sch attire is freaking all white la.. white socks n white shorts. it was seriously a turn off to play. the next problem i face now is trying to clean my gears. heh. im already so lazy.

after the game had dinner with khai nam, gerald, arthur n andy. our topic of discussion was rather obvious... world cup! including some talk cock along the way.

sch is reopening tmr... 1st week is the killer bt2.. time to really study if u dont wanna to screw up. heh.

i will grow through this pain

today i received an interesting phone call by one of the sajc staff, a tcher i think. the tcher asked me if i could give my once a saint tshirt n an action photo of me to the school. haha. it totally caught me by surprise. like why in the world do u need such stuffs wen sajc is selling those tshirts. he then continued explaining to me that what i give will be kept in a time capsule. it will be kept for 30 years before opening it. so by then i will be 48 years. hm.. quite old already. i will surely look forward to the opening of the capsule. hopefully, with god's blessing, i will still be alive to see it. haha. wat they will do after 30 years with tat stuffs.. i dont know.

havent been feeling really good the past few days. been thinking alot but not doing anything. i cant be giving up now as much as i want to. i cant let go. i need to carry on fighting. persevere. words of encouragements are failing me.

i dont know how im gg to survive tmr's game cos it at 2.45pm. bloody hot. already wen it was season, i find it hard to play with such intense heat. wat more wen its after season?! ohwell, hopefully imagery works.

game plan: no game plan

TASMANIA!

this is random but yeah. my dec 05 holiday to tasmania, aus. i miss the place! 

heating up

just before the school reopens where bt2 is waiting to smack the shit out of you, and soon after prelims followed by the killer As, lets reflect on what i have done so far cos if not... there wont be anymore time. well looking at the current state i in, i feel very insecure of the future. of what is gg to happen to me n stuff. though academic plays a huge part in this doubtful feeling, they are many other contributing factors. if u ask me now.. i can tell u wat i want to b wen i grow up later. but if u ask me wat the hell have i done to reach that target? i got no idea. i need to wake up my idea n not only seriously starting bucking up but really just FOCUS. i need a GAME PLAN.

wat i am now is not one which i chose but it bcos of circumstances that led to one another. well its impossible now to change the past but make do of wat i have. after all, its my life. i need to at least get control of it. enough have been said on this topic. less words more action please.

on the lighter note, my room is finally 90% done. spent sometime today studying in my room since the study table came in yesterday. quite condusive. cleared alot of nonsense. haha.

if u want to tag.. no nonsense please. thanks! (:

checkup

didnt look forward to the army medical checkup at all. as expect, it was a waste of time. the first mood spoiler was that i had to already to wake up early and it had to be on a rainy day! its like already so rare to such an opportunity where u can jus sleep through the morning. haha. nevertheless, i still woke up. then the next problem was trying to get a cab. it is expectionally hard to get a cab during this rush hour n wat more wen its raining. i tried calling for cab but the line is engage so i guess its bcos of the overwhelming pple calling to get a cab.

wen i reached there, i was seriously like a lost soul. i didnt know where the CMPB building was. haha. n lots of young men like me who were supposed to go were lost too. wen i finally found the place, there were quite a number of pple infront of me already. so yeah had quite a few stations to go. they took ur blood n stuff. i jus hate the sight of needles.

the 2nd last station was seeing the medical officer. showed him my letter from my doc. i was given PES D. pending. haha. have to visit there agn in sept to "upgrade" my PES if im better. haha.

went to school today to study by myself. was rather productive. yep. but theres too much to do. nvm. game plan is a levels. then had lunch with stef. talked so much nonsense. but i had a great time catching up. n understanding how complicated life realy is. haha.

alrites. im gg to rest now. got to wake up early to study tmr!

mr ng's wedding

i finally went for my first chinese wedding dinner tonight! it was an interesting and new experience. the special thing about this wedding is that i can eat all the food bcos it vegeterian. haha. cool rite.

met with ming qi, abel, jon and darrel at sengkang before making our way to the place where we joined arthur n 3 other sec 1 boys in one table. being a first timer, everything looks so nice la.

since it was mr ng's wedding it was no surprise to see alot of sas teachers there. met mr goh and many more teachers. all the familiar faces! didnt managed to talk to most of them though. but nvm. shall visit sas soon to catch up with them. the most surprising and happiest person to see tonight was mr koa chee meng!!! it has been very very long since i ever saw him. the last i believe i actually met n talked to him was in 2004 after the b div rugby finals! talking to him again today was really good. 2 long years! he congratulated arthur n i for our successful a div campaign n asked how we were doing. he looked like he lost some weight for sure!

having abel sitting with you is sure entertaining. he never fails to make u laugh! we talked about so much nonsense tat i think we were basically in our own world. since no alcohol consumption is allowed, jon wanted to try to get himself high. so he resulted in inhaling the helium in the ballon. haha. super funny.

wen everybody was leaving already, we managed to catch up with mr ds. haha. had a rather amusing conversation.

on the whole, i think like wat someone told me, it was an eye opener. other then the fun i had, i learnt quite abit about the chinese tradition. n the 10 course vegetarian food was good. will be looking forward to the next one.. if im gg to get invited.. haha!

tmr is my army medical checkup. heh. gg to bring notes there n try to read through them.

my mid term break other then (trying to) study n rugby

i havent received any kiwi cup photos! other then tat...

house being renovated.

played in blacks fun touch for u20 cat. we won the tournament undefeated. team name.. erm.. super duper saints.. L to R: liang sheng, arthur, myself, akira, shenwei (capt.)

house council camp 2006. so now technically 6th House Council is no longer active. haha. its now the 7th House Council! wohoo!

n yes. finally spending time with HER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. always kena scolding last time. aiyo.

focus

i think im really dead for bt2. have been doing work. but its just isnt enough to even survive this bt2 horror. somehow my focus is still not there yet, nevertheless, its slowly improving. ahhhh...

for the past two days, i have spent most of my time unpacking and settling down my 85% renovated house. the contractors too are pissing me off. they kept delaying and stuff. jus cant stand them la. say they will do this tmr. n wen tmr comes, they start making excuses n say that the factory called n say still not ready.. brought the wrong size... wat nonsense. but wat can we say? cant scold the rite.. cos theres really no use.. scolding wont help to finish up the work but just destroys everyone mood!

combined schools season (finally) kicked off 2dae. played against republic poly n won the 78-0. playing a game after season feels different. u feel much more unfit n get really tired easily. however, wen u play, u feel less stress.

watched the game after ours where safsa played singapore poly. both them looked equally match. but physically strong n technically sound. nevertheless, safsa having army boys will for sure have a much more fitter side. eventhough safsa won sp, i think sp played really well cos with 14 men (after one got red- carded) they still managed to score agaisnt safsa.

something freaky happened today! while i was walking back from mrt station to my house. out of nowhere, appeared this gentleman on the phone. so yeah. already its quite shocking to have pple make such appearance. then, when i walk closer to him. he stopped me n asked if i was sa scrum-half. tat really took me by surprise. my initial reaction was to stare at him thinking to myself if i have seen him before. unfortunately no. so i jus smiled n said yes. then i waved at him n continue walking. n he continued talking on his phone. haha

tmr is mr ng ck wedding. the first chinese wedding in my life tat i will be attending. feeling quite excited. haha. anyway, i dont know wat to wear n bring. cos yeah. got alot of things to follow one. wen i asked abel.. he too was jus as blur la! haha. hilarious!

alrites! will update photos to tell how my term break have been since a picture can tell a thousand words. haha. lame.

dust

today is really a bad day for me. couldnt do anything productive. thought of studying at home but then the contractors came to do up the cupboards n kitchen. dust were like flying everywhere. the drilling sound. the thinner n glue smell didnt help but jus made matters worse. cant stand it. yeah soon it will all be over.

as expected my cupboard is still not done yet but the contractor tried his best and i could see it. so no worries.

i still have the unpacking phase to go through n boy theres so much things to unpack. aye. n bt2 is like in super duper close.

medical checkup is on the 19th. anyone on the same day?

moving

the contractor is damn cheater la. promised to put up my cupboard today then come over say need to do kitchen 1st. like tat no need to settle down one. now they promised me (again) tat tmr they will do it. hah.

todays combined schools game against police was postponed because the field wasnt in a good condition. so CS had trg instead. quite slack though. unit skills.

after tat watched singapore played against chinese taipei. credits must be given to singapore for playing their hearts out. i agree tat its one of the better performance of singapore rugby team so far. good stuff!

the more i see of u. the more guilty i get.

every significant relationship in your life has your fingerprints all over it - the fingerprints of your character. and those impressions on another person's life are true indications of what your character is really like.

study

went for msp 2dae. very quiet environment which forces me to study. i think im a person who needs to be forced wen it comes to academic. i want to work but i got no motivation n by gg for msp it kind of forces me to jus sit down, shut up and do my own work.

not everybody will like such an environment where u are like being caged up to study. but i think it works well for me. the only problem mabye was that the LT tables were too small. haha. other than tat. i think everything's good. still got alot more to catch up.

watched the australia against japan. i've got to say it was a well- deserved win for austrlia. and japan too deserved the outcome. from japan's play, it looked as though they were over- confident. and that comeback australia made was just incredile. 3 goals in 5 minutes. good stuff.

combined schools season starts tmr. playing against police at yck, 4pm.

as i reflect now, i admit the mistakes i have done and apologised for it. im really sorry for the damage i've caused. nevertheless, its okay if u dont want to forgive me. so now lets move on.

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company... a school.. a friendship...

painful lesson

i give up. really.

goodbye.

what's missing

I have been missing the point. The point is not knowing another person, or learning to love another person. The point is simply this: how tender can we bear to be? What good manners can we show as we welcome ourselves and others into our hearts?

hullo!

hullo! hashim here! lol.
crashing k-rule's blog.
just finished playing around with the template.
hahahaaha.

doubts

When we live superficially, when we are always outside ourselves, never quite "with" ourselves, always divided and pulled in many directions by conflicting plans and projects, we find ourselves doing many things that we do not really want to do, saying things we do not really mean, needing things we do not really need and exhausting ourselves for what we secretly realize to be worthless and without meaning in our lives.

reflect and think bout it. dont you think most of the frienships you have are smiliar to this?

i am starting to doubt and question everything around me. aye. im at lost of words.


Where faith is there is courage, there is fortitude, there is steadfastness and strength...
Faith bestows that sublime courage that rises superior to the troubles and disappointments of life, that acknowledges no defeat except as a step to victory; that is strong to endure, patient to wait, and energetic to struggle...
Light up, then, the lamp of faith in your heart. . . .
It will lead you safely through the mists of doubt and the black darkness of despair; along the narrow, thorny ways of sickness and sorrow, and over the treacherous places of temptation and uncertainty.

st andrew's rugby career

my st. andrew's rugby career

today marks the end of my st. andrew's rugby career. after today, i will no longer be wearing the blue and white hoops playing school-boy rugby competitively. it has been a very long journey i had chosen since jan 2001. my career started when i chose to go sas after being scouted during a rugby tournament in primary school. just for the record, i didnt study at junior school at all. the primary school i came from was rosyth.

this journey like any others, have its ups and downs. bitter-sweet memory. rugby in st. andrew's have mould me into what i am today. looking at the fruits of our labour, i think all the injuries i have sustain and effort i had given was worth every single penny.

during this journey, the friendships i forged was one so close that i really treated every single player as my friend and brother. we went through so much shit together. gg to trg and camps getting tortured as one. trying to act terror but never had balls to fight outside field. and our forte, gossiping about others. haha. yes, at times we have misunderstandings with one another, that can lead to punch ups but deep in there we still look out and protect each other both on and off the field. we go through pain together.. pushing each other during fitness and drag each other just to get over that cross line. at times vomitting together.. standing one line along the drain at the old kallang campus vommitting cos trg was just to intensive.if u ask me.. thats wat true friends are for. its not only about gg into the field to play and win. its about the process that we have been through. all this had resulted passion for the game (believe it or not) and camaraderie.

what i will treasure the most from this career is my fellow st. andrews players. you will not be forgotten even though wen im dead. haha.

some of the flashbacks of my carrer:

Low Points:

- i still remembered the 1st ever trg i went in sec 1, where we had mr alan wee's share of fitness. it was not only a great cultural shock but also my whole body ached for at least one week. to make matters worse.. my classroom was at the 4th level. haha.

- the most painful moment was when i missed a drop kick smack in the middle of the post during the scc plate finals where lai wei scored a last second try to cover the deficit by 1 point. i missed the kick. if not for tat miss, it would have been a good final for me where i scored 3 tries.

-in 2002, when we lost to acsi in the u14 finals with a whooping 56-0. -trying to get the 2004 team to come together was really hard. everyone had their own "i-am-always-right" attitude. being the captain then, its really sad to see players not getting along. nevertheless, it was all settled.

-my wrist. but i never let it stop me from wat i love the most.. playing rugby.

High Points:

- being the captain of two championship teams (B n A div) that not only win, but rewrote history

n proved others that nothing was impossible.

-scoring the golden try during the 2003 police cup semis against sji (sec 3 then). i scored the try in the last minute of extra time.-scoring the equalising try in the a div police cup finals.

-captaining the sajc side to win our 1st ever national schools 10-a-side competition. in addition, it was the most number of tries i scored in any competition so far plus i scored at least one try in every game. haha.

-being able to continue playing rugby for saints after my Os.

step down

its interesting to see how my tag board is being used by two different individuals of different rugby school communicating to one another. im fine with it. haha. (:

house camp was rather slack for the seniors with so many "breaks". i think it was more of catching up old times with each other. gg into someone's room and talk, gossip and laugh together. my room mate was mr caleb! haha. super funny. caleb always sleep very early and is always the first too. left for kiwi cup trg half way during the camp. travelling from nus to yck is very long. and im so not use to that. but good experience. on the whole, i see alot of potential in the 7th house council. further more, i believe they will do a much better job than the 6th. yep. (:

had a nice long chat with st. andrew's rugby head coach, mr alan wee. productive conversation i must say. haha.

oh yeah. i won 2days 1nite (including free breakfast) stay at sheraton towers (5 stars)! haha. ((:

things i need/want to do: (in order of priority)

1. study, study and study
2. win the return leg of the kiwi cup
3. my ice- cream treat! *ahem*
5. play combined schools and get both my zonal and national colours
6. get my operation done

PIMP2!

my new favourite number: 0139
wohoo! i just love it.

bored at liang sheng's place

the 1st week of holidays is almost coming to an end. n time seems to fly sooo fast. 3 more weeks to bt2 and boy.. i do need to get down to damn bloody serious mugging. not say i havent been down to do any work but jus that i think my pace is alittle too slow. need to speed up.

so yeah. we lost to raffles in the first leg of the kiwi cup, but tat does not mean we are out of the running. we will train even harder and come back stronger. 12 points down. second leg will be at our home ground and theres no more excuses not to perform. its time to regroup and refocus.

overnight at mr tee's place yesterday and i am still at his place now. haha. in the morning went for combined schools trg. as expected the turnout was bad. it really doesnt surprised me cos being in the team last yr, unfortunately, this is the players attitude towards combined schools trg. seriously i think there is a need for a change. but then again, u cant force players to come down cos their national schools season is over and their main priority now is, like everyone else, catch up with work they have missed out. nevertheless if u come to think of it, this pple still can find time to go out with their frens/gf/ girls/ etc.. or clubbing and all the non-productive things but not coming down for trg. i guess, like wat someone told me, everyone priorities have changed. and not everyone has the same passion for the sport.

this then comes to another change i have noticed since coming to jc. in sec school, every player is being driven by passion to play the game. they would sacrifice anything to just get down for trg and game. nothing would stop by their way. however, wen u come to jc, things start to change. players driving force is no longer on the passion but also other factor(s). i mean its perfectly fine as long as u can produce results. but then wen all their heart is being given to the other factors and no longer in the passion, u can see the change. they will lose interest in trg. attendance very inconsistent and all negative change. its up to the individual i guess to get this priority rite.

hm.. i thought of changing my blog skin. keep to something much simpler. haha.